With the pandemic restricting many of our freedoms over the last year, any time that it has been possible to spend in a positive fashion has been helpful to our wellbeing.
We are now hopefully emerging into a situation where it will be feasible to safely do more things that we have enjoyed in the past.
But one thing I have found over the last year is that very small positive experiences can make a big difference to feeling better.
I was recently re-reading a book I read some years ago, “Staying Sane” by Dr Raj Persaud, who is someone you may be familiar with. He was a psychiatrist at the Maudsley and has written several mental health books for the lay person. He also used to be a regular media contributor in this field. His career was then affected by a plagiarism issue with one of his books. He now works in private practice, and I’ve still found some of what he writes of interest.
For example I was interested to re-read what he wrote about how to lead a contented life:-
“Psychologists … argue that the key to overall contentment is simply the total amount of time a person experiences pleasant emotions versus the amount of time they experience unpleasant emotions, regardless of the peak intensity of the emotions experienced. This is an important difference from the lay approach which is to seek as intense a positive experience as possible.”
“People who experience strong positive emotions are also probably those who endure forceful negative feelings as well.”
The way I understand the above is that whilst we may dream of intense positive experiences, whether it be scoring the winning goal in a cup final, or picking up an Oscar, it is actually lots of small positive experiences that make for a contented life. Additionally, experiencing something intensely positive can be followed by an extreme low, whereas having lots of small positive experiences can result in a more stable feeling of wellbeing.
I am well into my 50s and looking back. I have found that managing to occasionally achieve bigger objectives or have extremely good experiences can be fulfilling, but it is surprising how quickly that feeling wears off. It is more the small, positive nuts and bolts of existence that keep me feeling OK over the longer term.
Can perhaps the above approach help with peer support? Even if we can only make small differences to someone’s life, it is perhaps the cumulative effect of lots of small positive things that can help individuals to feel better and that can give us fulfillment in our work.
You can find details of Raj Persaud’s books here:-